There are many moments I have felt transformed by yoga, it’s why I come back to my mat time after time. It’s why I trained as a yoga teacher over 10 years ago, and why I have continued to study yoga since then.
So, when was the first time I felt transformed by yoga?
I would say it was the first time I stepped on to a mat, because from that moment on I was never the same.
But the moment I felt something shift in a way I had never experienced, was during a difficult time in my life. That was the moment I knew that this was more than just exercise, which up to that point it had felt like that for me.
I was travelling back to the UK after living abroad for almost four years, a move I did not desire, but that was happening none the less. I was in Thailand (part of my extended journey home – delaying the inevitable), and I was struggling with the transition. At the time I couldn’t see how this move could be good for me, it felt all wrong. I was leaving behind a life I thought I loved, and coming back to the unknown, not to mention a financial crash.
To add to everything my grandfather just had passed. I hadn’t seen him for four years. I was very close to him. I felt so much guilt for not being there before he died, and that I wouldn’t make the funeral.
I recall practising yoga on the top of a mountain, the decking of the retreat centre overlooked the Gulf of Thailand. As I moved through my practice, memories of my grandfather floated in and out of my consciousness. And mixed feelings about going home.
As I lay on the floor at the end of the class in Savasana I felt tears of sadness and joy wash over my cheeks. The weight of guilt I was carrying about my grandfather leaving me, and tears of joy for all the beautiful memories we had shared that still lived inside me and could never be taken away. In that moment I felt close to my grandfather, I could feel that no matter what he was always with me. And I knew that no matter what I would be okay, and I accepted the change that lay ahead.
That was the moment I felt changed by the practice in a way I never expected. After that moment my practice went from a few times a week to a daily practice. I found a place I could come to and feel what I needed to feel.
Whether on or off my mat I could practice yoga, in the way I lived my life.
Yoga is unlike anything else I have ever experienced.
I gain deep insight and wisdom that can be applied to how I move through life.
I have gained many tools from this incredible system.
It is a sacred place.
Where I can move and feel everything I need to feel, and I can navigate life’s challenges.
I have come to know myself on a deeper level.
It’s why I keep coming back to my mat.
It’s why I love to share yoga.