Do you remember the moment when you were transformed by yoga?

There are many moments I have felt transformed by yoga, it’s why I come back to my mat time after time. It’s why I trained as a yoga teacher over 10 years ago, and why I have continued to study yoga since then.

 So, when was the first time I felt transformed by yoga?

I would say it was the first time I stepped on to a mat, because from that moment on I was never the same.

But the moment I felt something shift in a way I had never experienced, was during a difficult time in my life. That was the moment I knew that this was more than just exercise, which up to that point it had felt like that for me.

I was travelling back to the UK after living abroad for almost four years, a move I did not desire, but that was happening none the less. I was in Thailand (part of my extended journey home – delaying the inevitable), and I was struggling with the transition. At the time I couldn’t see how this move could be good for me, it felt all wrong. I was leaving behind a life I thought I loved, and coming back to the unknown, not to mention a financial crash.

To add to everything my grandfather just had passed. I hadn’t seen him for four years. I was very close to him. I felt so much guilt for not being there before he died, and that I wouldn’t make the funeral.

I recall practising yoga on the top of a mountain, the decking of the retreat centre overlooked the Gulf of Thailand. As I moved through my practice, memories of my grandfather floated in and out of my consciousness. And mixed feelings about going home.

As I lay on the floor at the end of the class in Savasana I felt tears of sadness and joy wash over my cheeks. The weight of guilt I was carrying about my grandfather leaving me, and tears of joy for all the beautiful memories we had shared that still lived inside me and could never be taken away. In that moment I felt close to my grandfather, I could feel that no matter what he was always with me. And I knew that no matter what I would be okay, and I accepted the change that lay ahead.

That was the moment I felt changed by the practice in a way I never expected. After that moment my practice went from a few times a week to a daily practice.  I found a place I could come to and feel what I needed to feel.

Whether on or off my mat I could practice yoga, in the way I lived my life.

Yoga is unlike anything else I have ever experienced.

I gain deep insight and wisdom that can be applied to how I move through life.

I have gained many tools from this incredible system.

It is a sacred place.

Where I can move and feel everything I need to feel, and I can navigate life’s challenges.

I have come to know myself on a deeper level.

It’s why I keep coming back to my mat.

It’s why I love to share yoga.

New Year, New Perspective - 11 things I'm carrying forward into 2022

Last year was a really strange year. I struggled more in the last year than ever before, and I am just glad that I had people around me to reach out to when I needed support. 


I know I am not alone in feeling this way.


The pandemic is playing out in everyone's lives in different ways. We are all in unfamiliar territory. At times I have felt like the air was being sucked out of the tires making my journey slow and arduous. The constant change, and continued uncertainty has felt exhausting and anxiety producing.

In this uncertainty, I have found a new perspective on things, and bringing in the New Year was no exception. 

Normally, I would make grandiose statements like ‘this will be the best year ever’, and plan for the incredible things I want to do, and achieve. I would put so much pressure on myself to make this year bigger, and better.


The pandemic has been humbling, and grounding in ways that I can only see now, looking back in the rear view mirror.

I am still making plans, and setting goals, because it doesn't make sense to leave it all to chance, or my latest whim. 


The thing that feels different for me this time is my intention.

It might sound a little cliché, but I intend to live each day to the fullest. Treating each day like the most important day of the year. 

The thing is we can make all the pans we want, but if we live in the constant state of trying and sometimes struggling to achieve we miss the most precious moments. 

Not only that, but it’s an incredible pressure to make each year better, life has many twists and turns, and we simply don’t know what lies ahead. None of us do. All we can really do it live for this moment now, and appreciate it the journey, however bumpy the ride is at times.

As I reflected on my 2021, there were a few things that I decided were important for me to focus on as I move slowly and steadily into 2022.

1. Practice gratitude: Take time to soak in the things you are grateful for each day, especially on the really difficult days. This has been a practice that saved me many times this year. Share that sentiment of gratitude with other, whether you send a voice note, call or message, people need to hear how you make them feel.
   

2. Love with all your heart: My family know this about me, but I never end a call without saying ‘I love you’, I want the people I know to know it, I want them to know they are loved fully by me, even when we have an argument. Knowing you are loved is key to feeling safe and secure. So tell people what you mean to them.
   

3. Connect with the people you care about: Human connection is something we can’t survive without, and it can be a potent medicine in our healing, we have all experienced (in different levels) what it feels like to feel alone in this pandemic. So whenever you can, connect, take the time to really listen and be with the other person.
   

4. Forgive yourself and others. When we hold on to anger and resentment, it is a disservice to us, and a waste of our energy. You never truly know what is going on for another person, so even if you want to cut ties with the person, you can still forgive them and let them go fully. And as for forgiving ourselves, perhaps the hardest thing to do, this is an act of kindness, and will free you up to live your life fully, rather than beating yourself up.

5. You are stronger than you think: We all are. We have all gone through so much collectively and alone. Our struggles are our teachers, just like learning to ride a bike, we fall and get back up again that’s how we learn. We learn from the things that challenge us.

6. Live your truth: Be true to who you are, and stay in alignment with your values. Let this guide your way especially when you feel unsteady and uncertain. Knowing your values is key to living authentically, because only when you know your values can you chose the things that feel aligned and true for you.
   

7. Be vulnerable with people you trust: Let the people you trust really see you and lean into them when you need it. And reciprocate when then need you. Vulnerability is often seen as weak, but it takes enormous courage to truly be vulnerable with another soul.

8. Compassion is your friend: The practice of compassion is another that can be viewed as soft or a way of giving up. It’s not. It’s a skill to learn, as most of us aren’t taught to be kind to ourselves. And pushing harder, or doing more, pushing through feel like badges of honour. Compassion can also be fierce, we can vehemently stand up for what we need, this too is compassion.

9. Fill your own cup first: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Only when your well is full can you pour freely. We can’t help anyone if we are burnt out, exhausted, and irritable.

10. Play often: As adults we forget how important it is to play. We learn by playing, and our energy shifts when we play. We are never too old to play.

11. Do things that scare or challenge you: When we do the same things over and over we stagnate. When we do new things we create new neurological pathways, and it has been proven that we can learn until the day we die. Last year I started learning French, started rock climbing, learned a new design software and learned to code a little.

Self-care sabotage

I have been thinking a lot about self-care over the last few months and what this really means, and wanted to share some of it with you.

There are numerous podcasts out there talking about and offering wellness and self-care advice, which is GREAT! We need more of this in our lives.

However, this got me to thinking, what is behind it all. We know that going to bed early, eating well and taking time out for ourselves is beneficial to our wellbeing. So why is it so hard to do?

I think there can be MANY reasons, but some that I have identified in my research and I feel most connected to are

• feeling that we are not enough

• learned behaviour from family

• when I stop my mind becomes too busy with worry or to do list

• not able to say no or set clear boundaries

• being a people pleaser

The last two I believe are linked to a lack of self-worth or not enough-ness.

It can feel seriously overwhelming to go from 0 to 100 by setting our self the mammoth task of having better self-care everyday, and being perfect at it. To make matters worse if we don't do it one day it can feel like we have failed in some way, even though we know that failure is not a bad thing, as we learn so much from our failings (will save this for another email!).

So, what if we start with the small and easily manageable things?

An example of this was when I first started a home yoga practice I thought I had to practice for 90 minutes a day to be a '"good yogi", and as you can imagine life quickly got in the way, and I began to dislike doing my practice as it felt rushed, and I just didn't have time. In fact if I didn't have time I'd not practice at all as this was not enough, I'd then spend the entire day berating myself for it. I got extremely disheartened for not practicing ENOUGH. Until one day I made the decision that I would go to my mat everyday, and I would be there for as long as I wanted to be there, no judgement. I would practice enjoying and taking pleasure from my yoga practice - however brief it was. Soon after that I noticed a huge change, I was enjoying my practice again, and I was practicing everyday. Even the days I had less time, I would just jump on my mat and move for as long as I could, and felt good.

Why? I think it was down to the fact that there was no expectation. I was doing this for my love of yoga, and even more important for my love of me. It felt good to move my body, but it didn't feel good to move my body when I was just going through the motions because I felt I had to in order to meet some expectation.

This is the same for our self-care routine/ritual, if we are just doing these things because we feel we need to then there will always be an element of resistance with it. The way we treat ourself needs to come from a place of love, and an idea of pleasure or enjoyment, not from the "should" in our heads.

Whatever your self-care routine is or isn't right now try starting from where you are at, make a conscious decision to do the things that make you feel utterly wonderful. Be realistic too, and don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself only to feel like you have failed.

Most importantly, however, you deserve to feel good, in fact you deserve to feel absolutely amazing! Your self-care is not about meeting a quota, or achieving a goal it's about a way of life. It's about knowing that you deserve to have an early night, or that you don't have to stay late at work every evening, help your friend when you're tired, tidy the bathroom (insert your favourite here) to prove you are good enough, and worth taking care of.

We know that when we are feeling good and our cup is full, we are the best version of ourself. We can love 💗 and connect our friends and family, enjoy our time off by creating lasting memories and truly be present.

Take a moment now to think about what your self-care means to you and what will bring you the most joy, then do it! But remember, if you miss a day, week or longer, be kind to yourself, and start right where you are.