Saturday was World Kindness Day, and it got me to thinking about how much things have changed in the last 18 months.
Most of us have been through so much change and have probably felt like we don’t have much control over our lives. We may have felt frustrated, like we are not doing enough.
The last 18 months may have a lingering effect on us, and I believe that we need to be kind to ourselves. Why? Because it starts with us.
Most of us would like to think we are kind to others, but can we be kind to another if we are not able to be kind to ourselves?
You might think being kind is soft, it’s maybe even weak, but being kind doesn’t have to be soft, it can be fierce too.
It can be going to bed early when you are tired or making yourself some nourishing soup when you feel under the weather.
It can also be letting someone know that the way they spoke to us was unkind or going for a run to shake up your energy when you feel stuck in negative self-talk.
In particular, the inner self-talk can be the most pervasive form of cruelty we exact upon ourselves daily. Whether we tell ourselves we are too fat, old, unworthy, unskilled, stupid, unlovable, we all have our own brand of inner self-talk, ranging from nasty to downright wicked. This kind of cruelty can go unnoticed a background noise of unrelenting abuse that if left unchecked, and impact our mood, energy, and sleep.
“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.” Kristin Neff
So, it starts with us, shifting the way we treat ourselves.
How often do we treat ourselves differently from how we would a dear friend/loved one?
When your best friend tells you they are tried you wouldn’t tell them to go run a marathon, then work into the small hours of the night. You’d probably tell them to do what they can today and get some rest and start again fresh tomorrow.
When we are kind to ourselves it’s becomes easier to extend that kindness to others. Our experience of the pandemic may have left us feeling caution around other people in certain circumstances.
In situations where we might have helped a stranger with their heavy cases up a long flight of stairs we might think twice.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. Maya Angelou
When we feel open and spacious it’s easier to be kind to others, but when unsure, tired, frustrated we tend to move away from social contact and connection.
Small acts of kindness can really affect not only our own mood, but other people's mood as well.
They don’t have to be massive things, maybe you let a mum and her hungry impatient children skip to the front of the queue. Or you let the person with one item skip in front of you in the queue as you have a full shopping cart. Or buy the person behind you a coffee.
In my experience this act of kindness is reciprocal.
The person receiving the kindness feels good, and you feel good too when that person thanks you or smiles back. You have a moment of connection, something we have all missed a great deal in the last 18 months.
Yes, it might delay our time by 10 minutes, but that good will is a beautiful gift to share.
“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time” Morgan Freeman
And the more we practice kindness and compassion, the easier and more natural it becomes, until that energy expands like the tide rising. We feel willing and open the gift of kindness to other people, animals, plants, and our planet.