New Year, New Perspective - 11 things I'm carrying forward into 2022

Last year was a really strange year. I struggled more in the last year than ever before, and I am just glad that I had people around me to reach out to when I needed support. 


I know I am not alone in feeling this way.


The pandemic is playing out in everyone's lives in different ways. We are all in unfamiliar territory. At times I have felt like the air was being sucked out of the tires making my journey slow and arduous. The constant change, and continued uncertainty has felt exhausting and anxiety producing.

In this uncertainty, I have found a new perspective on things, and bringing in the New Year was no exception. 

Normally, I would make grandiose statements like ‘this will be the best year ever’, and plan for the incredible things I want to do, and achieve. I would put so much pressure on myself to make this year bigger, and better.


The pandemic has been humbling, and grounding in ways that I can only see now, looking back in the rear view mirror.

I am still making plans, and setting goals, because it doesn't make sense to leave it all to chance, or my latest whim. 


The thing that feels different for me this time is my intention.

It might sound a little cliché, but I intend to live each day to the fullest. Treating each day like the most important day of the year. 

The thing is we can make all the pans we want, but if we live in the constant state of trying and sometimes struggling to achieve we miss the most precious moments. 

Not only that, but it’s an incredible pressure to make each year better, life has many twists and turns, and we simply don’t know what lies ahead. None of us do. All we can really do it live for this moment now, and appreciate it the journey, however bumpy the ride is at times.

As I reflected on my 2021, there were a few things that I decided were important for me to focus on as I move slowly and steadily into 2022.

1. Practice gratitude: Take time to soak in the things you are grateful for each day, especially on the really difficult days. This has been a practice that saved me many times this year. Share that sentiment of gratitude with other, whether you send a voice note, call or message, people need to hear how you make them feel.
   

2. Love with all your heart: My family know this about me, but I never end a call without saying ‘I love you’, I want the people I know to know it, I want them to know they are loved fully by me, even when we have an argument. Knowing you are loved is key to feeling safe and secure. So tell people what you mean to them.
   

3. Connect with the people you care about: Human connection is something we can’t survive without, and it can be a potent medicine in our healing, we have all experienced (in different levels) what it feels like to feel alone in this pandemic. So whenever you can, connect, take the time to really listen and be with the other person.
   

4. Forgive yourself and others. When we hold on to anger and resentment, it is a disservice to us, and a waste of our energy. You never truly know what is going on for another person, so even if you want to cut ties with the person, you can still forgive them and let them go fully. And as for forgiving ourselves, perhaps the hardest thing to do, this is an act of kindness, and will free you up to live your life fully, rather than beating yourself up.

5. You are stronger than you think: We all are. We have all gone through so much collectively and alone. Our struggles are our teachers, just like learning to ride a bike, we fall and get back up again that’s how we learn. We learn from the things that challenge us.

6. Live your truth: Be true to who you are, and stay in alignment with your values. Let this guide your way especially when you feel unsteady and uncertain. Knowing your values is key to living authentically, because only when you know your values can you chose the things that feel aligned and true for you.
   

7. Be vulnerable with people you trust: Let the people you trust really see you and lean into them when you need it. And reciprocate when then need you. Vulnerability is often seen as weak, but it takes enormous courage to truly be vulnerable with another soul.

8. Compassion is your friend: The practice of compassion is another that can be viewed as soft or a way of giving up. It’s not. It’s a skill to learn, as most of us aren’t taught to be kind to ourselves. And pushing harder, or doing more, pushing through feel like badges of honour. Compassion can also be fierce, we can vehemently stand up for what we need, this too is compassion.

9. Fill your own cup first: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Only when your well is full can you pour freely. We can’t help anyone if we are burnt out, exhausted, and irritable.

10. Play often: As adults we forget how important it is to play. We learn by playing, and our energy shifts when we play. We are never too old to play.

11. Do things that scare or challenge you: When we do the same things over and over we stagnate. When we do new things we create new neurological pathways, and it has been proven that we can learn until the day we die. Last year I started learning French, started rock climbing, learned a new design software and learned to code a little.

Why kindness matters

Saturday was World Kindness Day, and it got me to thinking about how much things have changed in the last 18 months.

Most of us have been through so much change and have probably felt like we don’t have much control over our lives. We may have felt frustrated, like we are not doing enough.

The last 18 months may have a lingering effect on us, and I believe that we need to be kind to ourselves. Why? Because it starts with us.

Most of us would like to think we are kind to others, but can we be kind to another if we are not able to be kind to ourselves?

You might think being kind is soft, it’s maybe even weak, but being kind doesn’t have to be soft, it can be fierce too.

It can be going to bed early when you are tired or making yourself some nourishing soup when you feel under the weather.

It can also be letting someone know that the way they spoke to us was unkind or going for a run to shake up your energy when you feel stuck in negative self-talk.

In particular, the inner self-talk can be the most pervasive form of cruelty we exact upon ourselves daily. Whether we tell ourselves we are too fat, old, unworthy, unskilled, stupid, unlovable, we all have our own brand of inner self-talk, ranging from nasty to downright wicked. This kind of cruelty can go unnoticed a background noise of unrelenting abuse that if left unchecked, and impact our mood, energy, and sleep.

“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation.” Kristin Neff

So, it starts with us, shifting the way we treat ourselves.

How often do we treat ourselves differently from how we would a dear friend/loved one?

When your best friend tells you they are tried you wouldn’t tell them to go run a marathon, then work into the small hours of the night. You’d probably tell them to do what they can today and get some rest and start again fresh tomorrow.

When we are kind to ourselves it’s becomes easier to extend that kindness to others. Our experience of the pandemic may have left us feeling caution around other people in certain circumstances.

In situations where we might have helped a stranger with their heavy cases up a long flight of stairs we might think twice.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. Maya Angelou

When we feel open and spacious it’s easier to be kind to others, but when unsure, tired, frustrated we tend to move away from social contact and connection.

Small acts of kindness can really affect not only our own mood, but other people's mood as well.

They don’t have to be massive things, maybe you let a mum and her hungry impatient children skip to the front of the queue. Or you let the person with one item skip in front of you in the queue as you have a full shopping cart. Or buy the person behind you a coffee.

In my experience this act of kindness is reciprocal.

The person receiving the kindness feels good, and you feel good too when that person thanks you or smiles back. You have a moment of connection, something we have all missed a great deal in the last 18 months.

Yes, it might delay our time by 10 minutes, but that good will is a beautiful gift to share.

“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time” Morgan Freeman

And the more we practice kindness and compassion, the easier and more natural it becomes, until that energy expands like the tide rising. We feel willing and open the gift of kindness to other people, animals, plants, and our planet.

Sleeping Beauty

I've suffered with insomnia for as long as I can remember. 

My gran would say "Just put your head on the pillow and close your eyes, then go to sleep" , it would drive me crazy! Something that came so natural to her, eluded me and I felt frustrated.

I used to lie awake at night feeling lonely. I felt like I was the only person in the world who experienced sleep issues.

I recall a time at university where it was particularly bad. I had barely slept for days, and I was at my wits end. The flat I was living in at the time had a cat, and he was my only solace during those sleepless nights. This was before social media and speaking to someone in a different country and time zone was rather costly, so I couldn’t really reach out to someone to talk. It was just me and my thoughts. I remember thinking that there must be a reason why I couldn’t sleep, there had to be something wrong with me surely.

It wasn’t until many years later that I learned about my fathers sleeplessness, and met others who struggled like me.

I've had good and bad times with sleep.

In the bad times I’ve tried guided mentations, sleeping tablets, exercise, different foods, lotions, potions, sprays and oils. You name it I have probably tried it..………all that time and money, but nothing seemed to work for any length of time.

At one point in my life I thought not sleeping was a badge of honour. Phrases like “I’ll sleep when I am dead” and “Sleep is for the weak” are so common place in our society that I started to feel like I maybe not sleeping was cool. Not sleeping, and waking in the middle of the night wasn’t an obvious problem when I was younger as I could get through on caffeine and youth, but lack of sleep became more of a problem as I aged.

What I have learned over the years is that certain things will trigger my sleep disturbances, specific things will help me get to sleep and if I wake up I can get back to sleep with simple practices. I’ve learned that I’m very sensitive, and what I do during my day affects the likelihood of a quality nights rest.

Recently I was fortunate enough to take a Sleep Recovery™ course that further healed my relationship to sleep.

Here are my key takeaways from my years of sleep disturbance and Sleep Recovery™:

• What you do during the day is just as important as cultivating quality bedtime habits.

• There is no such thing as a good sleeper, versus bad sleeper. We need to discover what is right for our needs. For example someone might sleep 7 hours a night and wake feeling bright and energised, yet someone else might need 10 hours to feel the same way.

• Our energy levels will fluctuate through the day, and we can manage them with simple practices.

• Listen to the subtle signals of your body, when you feel the signs of sleepiness, provided you can, make your way to bed.

• We all have a sleep type and there are certain tools that work well depending on your sleep type.

• We can’t switch our minds off, so we need to find days of dealing with things that pile up in our mind throughout the day.

When we have sleep issues it can feel frustrating, not to mention it affects our cognition, and has been related to a variety of health concerns and diseases.

“Sleep problems constitute a global epidemic that threatens health and quality of life for up to 45% of the world's population” (World Sleep Day)

It’s fair to say that at some point in our lives we might experience sleep disturbances, and for some of us this may be fleeting. However, things like menopause, stress, massive changes in your life such as divorce, childbirth, moving home to name a few could elicit a change to your sleep.

So it is something worth spending time and effort on since it affects our quality of life and health.

If you have sleep issues, such as not sleeping, waking in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep or waking up not feeling refreshed have a look at my website, for upcoming Sleep Recovery™ courses or book a private sleep session with me.

Self-Doubt vs Self-Belief

Have you ever felt like you know so much about your subject matter, but at the same time you don’t know enough? And that not knowing makes you doubt yourself. I mean there is always someone who knows more than you, right? When in these situations, it is so easy to spiral into the negative self-doubt talk, which can start as simple as, this person know’s more than me about x, before long that turns into I’m not intelligent, pretty, thin, strong (insert your word here) enough, and we loose our will and determination to keep going. Self-doubt takes over.

We doubt ourselves, why? Well one reason is that as humans we have a predisposition to negativity, we are 10 times more likely to see, and remember the bad things versus that good and positive things in our life.

But what about those people you admire? What do they do or have that is different?

After observing people who are successful (an not just in a monetary sense) in their job or field, I think one key factor is at play.

They believe in their mission.

Mission might feel like a strong word, but it’s true. They believe that what they do will make some sort of difference. They will change the world in some way. They could be a hairdresser/fashion designer trying to make people look/feel good, they teach, because they believe that knowledge is vital and their subject matter is important. Think about people you know who are successful, it’s highly likely they believe in what they do, and that belief most likely translates into self-belief.

It’s not to say that these people don’t ever have moments of self-doubt, but they believe in what they are trying to achieve, and that brings clarity and focus. So much so that it overrides and outweighs that negatively bias, because they need to share this mission with everyone.

So, what do you want to do? What is important to you?